Ambition + Women = a fraught combination.
Not a great way to start but it’s where we are. For as long as I’ve been alive, women being ambitious has been met in two different ways. The first and foremost is that if a woman is ambitious then she’s a cold-hearted bitch who only cares about herself. I could have tired to sugar coat that but we’re all friends here and I’m too tired to care anymore about being politically correct. The second one, at least in my world, is that it’s kind of cute and ok for women to be ambitious to a certain point but not to overstep this invisible magical line we should all be aware of. Please believe me when I tell you that I have danced in both these camps and I’m absolutely DONE with all of it. Let us rip off this proverbial band aid once and for all and throw some Beyonce style deuces up at this old way of thinking. Shall we?
The fact that words, opinions, and vibes take on two different meanings when it comes to men and women is nothing new. It exists in every realm and well, as much as I’d like to throw a light switch down and turn off the patriarchy that is unfortunately not a reasonable possibility at this moment. What is a reasonable thought is to start just saying outright NO to all this bull. That’s it. Simple and clean. Full sentence of NO. I generally live with little to no regrets. It’s not a part of my makeup. I will dwell, don’t get me wrong, expert dweller here but I try extremely hard to not look back at past choices or mistakes and equate them to much more than learning steps. What I do regret was not being more assertive with my ambition in my formative years. It’s story time y’all, grab a cuppa and let’s go.
Our tale begins with an affable, curious, and outgoing 5-year-old answering my favourite useless childhood question…”what do you want be when you grow up?” My answer was clear and concise….”A lawyer.” The adults threw me a chuckle, a cheek pinch and insisted I was wrong and probably wanted to be a princess or some crap. I laughed along and went on my merry way. Every adult in my family loves telling this story. Look how precocious she was. Look how adult she was. No, assholes, I freaking meant it. I wanted to be a lawyer. I did everything in my power to achieve that goal but alas when staring down hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt I chickened out and took a different path. This wasn’t a lack of ambition; it was simply a lack of financial resources and if I’m being honest a lack of familial support. Parents back then didn’t spend a whole lot of time involved and/or worried about their children’s futures. They had this asinine belief it would just simply “work itself out.” I do not regret my choice not to go. Had I not chosen a different career path I wouldn’t have had the most brilliant decade of my life travelling the world (on my works’ dime) and meeting some of the most interesting humans. I do however regret not asserting my ambitious nature. It should’ve been revered and respected and instead it was always kiboshed. Especially when I’d talk about a career over family. No marriage and kids for me, I want a career. Which put me square into the cold-hearted bitch camp. When I started to gain some traction in my chosen career path, well, I marched my butt over to the second camp with incremental moves up the ladder while making damn sure not to ruffle any (male) feathers. I could’ve offered a master class in what it was to be one of the boys, a great loyal girlfriend, all the while hiding the raging career hunting shark coursing through my body. I was so afraid to overstep or ask for what I knew I deserved that I eventually held myself back from a lot of forward movement. Second camp wasn’t quite working for me either.
That leads us to what I hope will be everyone’s third camp of being damn proud to be an ambitious woman. It’s taken me a while to get here, won’t lie about that. In fact if you want an exact number, I’d say about 12 years but I’ve arrived and it’s glorious. I only realized I was here when in discussing what I hope will be my next great business venture with my husband, I got a lukewarm response and didn’t give a shit. Well, ok, I was down and gave a shit for a week but here's what I didn’t do. I didn’t back burner it or put it on hold. I trudged forward and then had a grown-up conversation about how disappointed I was in his lack of enthusiasm. We figured out his hesitations. We talked it through and it ended up with me being quite proud of us for talking about it so directly. More importantly, remembering the cardinal rule of this camp. Ambition is not a dirty word. No, is a complete sentence. Be your own cheerleader. Ok, that was more like three rules but it’s still a work in progress. We are all a work in progress. I guess my ultimate goal is just for us to remember what I’m sure we’ve all heard through different times in our lives. If boys can do it, so can girls. Men are given free reign and are often praised for their ambition. It’s time that we are too!
On that note, tell me about some of your ambitions and moments with them.
As always,
Xx
The Conversation Maven
Good word and good point. It’s a complicated balance.